I was recently encouraged by someone to “take a step back” and think about why God has me here and think about what He’s trying to show me. So I did (in my mind) “take a step back”, which included running home and thinking that would provide some sense of relief from the madness…and it did…temporarily. But then I had to come back to the same madness, and it was the same cycle over again.
“Take a Step Back”… even after that moment of going home, this conversation was still heavy on my heart. I don’t think I truly got the point until last night. See, the first time I took a step back and went home; I just avoided the situation. Truthfully, I was missing the point. I was thinking about here in terms of grad school, but what I needed to do was think about here in terms of my very existence. I’m not here to just get a masters degree, to achieve all these accomplishments, and just to pass time. I’m here to love God, love others, and make His name known….then go on and spend eternity with Him. But the truth is we don’t just all arrive at the gates of Heaven like, “What’s good Jesus? I’m here for You…let me in!” For me, I needed to take a step back and think about this. Why does God have me here? What am I doing for Jesus? Am I even living life in order to spend eternity with Jesus?
I’ve debated if I should even share such a thing as it is personal; but I resolved that it could potentially be exactly what someone needs at this moment. Here’s a journal from the moment I truly took a step back and was reminded why I am here:
“Lord, I fear you. You are coming back one day and this world will face Your judgement. Prepare me for that day. I want to be ready. I spend my time preparing for everything else….school, dietetic internships, my next big thing, my husband…but am I truly ready for You to come back?
I get so caught up in the world that I take my eyes off You. And I often forget the part where Heaven is not guarunteed to me. Just because I can share a scripture here or there on social media, it does not mean I will spend eternity with You. Just because I wake up in the morning and read one devotional…just because I read several books by famous pastors and follow them on social media, getting a good word from You every now and then, doesn’t mean i’ll spend eternity with you.
I’ll admit to You this world has hardened my heart, made me bitter, made me angry, made me truly forget who I am in You. It’s made me think that I can do both, walk in the ways of the world and follow You at the same time. It doesn’t work that way.
Thank you for continuing to show me Your Truth. Thank you for pursuing me even when I am lost and get it wrong, when I do everything contrary to what You told me.
Thank you for reminding me of the most important thing.
In these last days where everything is going crazy, the last thing I want to do is stray from you, pushing my relationship with You off for another time when i’m less busy, when I have things figured out. It could very well be tomorrow…before i’ve had a chance to accomplish all these things, or met my husband, or got the internship. or the dream job. You are the most important thing. Lord help me to set my heart and mind on You and on eternity. All these things around me will eventually fade, but You are constant.”
I don’t have much to add to that…and I am very aware that there are lots of runons and grammatical errors, but I hope you will take from this blog post what is needed.
I encourage you to take your own step back, think about Who’s important, and Who you are on this journey with.